Monday, August 15, 2011

and so it happened...again...

So after all the bashing and things I said I won't do. I did it again... The part that irritates me the most is that it's like everytime, I know something will turn out wrong if I do it but in the end I still went and do it.

Things that I am lacking so badly, self control and initiative to do things early and not be last minute.

So it comes down to this question again. For what reason am I in this world? What do I truly want to do or be?

ああああ むかつく。私で本とに最低。
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posted by josephchong @ 9:06 PM



Friday, April 22, 2011


I always find myself... what's that word to describe it..not really sure myself.

I know what should be done, the consequence of doing things and the do and don't. but in the end I will still go and do the same mistakes over and over again. Or am I just too lazy to used to it to be even bother about it.

I find myself the type that, the more knowledge I hold, the worst I will react to the situation. Might be due to the fact of me over-thinking and processing too much but not coming to a conclusion.

oh well, all I can say is that, although I know I should not be saying this myself, regretting my choices. However time moves forward, I guess I just have to face my mistakes and move on in life like everyone does.

posted by josephchong @ 12:14 AM



Wednesday, March 23, 2011

もう、泣きたいよ。もう何も解らないよ。。

What can I say... I am speechless... I don't even know what to do any more... or more like, what can I do.... I'm just standing in front of this wall that is blocking my way... but who can I blame other than myself....its was all my fault anyway... life goes on? I guess its just like the earthquake in Japan, no matter what happened, we still need to proceed on..

Suddenly I remembered what Chi Yong said once, " Once you made your choice, don't regret after that." I thought I kept this phase close to my heart and been telling myself that, yea its my choice and anything that happens after that is for me to handle. I guess I took it too lightly. I guess I didn't understood the meaning behind this until now.

I really don't know what to do any more, who do I even turn to any more... who can I show my weaker side to and not get laugh at or scolded at... how long more do I have to wear this mask of mine... When can I ever be true to myself...Or am I just too scared for people to know about my weak side...Scared of losing face....Scared of being laugh at...in the end, I am just scared of everything..

I have no idea how to break this news to my friends..my family..I just feel like disappearing, yet I don't want to be alone.... I really don't know anything any more....

Am I going to be left behind again? Do I need to mix into another class that now I totally don't have any one I know...

ねえ、何をすればいいの？誰に話すればいいの？一人はいやだ。。

posted by josephchong @ 6:20 AM



Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Mixed feelings, confused, lost, can't even find the correct word to express my thoughts and mood

What a surprised, I actually came back here again. This seem to become the place for me to put down my never ending thoughts and crappy emotions I had.

Went to KKnM to asked for interim. I have no idea why I actually did that. Maybe I just find myself at peace there, even more than I am at home. Since I am always just running away from things with games and such. Or is it just becoming another place I am running away to? I really hope thats not the case. I really like it there. Its lively and noisy at times but yet it puts me at ease. I like to see the different customers that steps into the store and just happily buying their things or just browsing through. I like being around the groups of people that hangs around the store from time to time even if they are not paying attention to me and talking to the others. Or am I just being strange?

Stepping up on my assignments for once. Have no idea why but I just don't put in my all when it comes to the important parts.

Arrrrr.....no mood to do anything again...

posted by josephchong @ 5:39 AM



Friday, January 07, 2011

Bored?I guess so

Hmm.. Browsing through old websites and happened to came back here. Looking back at my own post just makes me think. Man, I feel like I'm stuck in time and unable to advance.

Nothing has changed, maybe there is but I changed for the worst. Been skipping school too much, assignments are not done, I don't even know what I want anymore. I feel like I am just running away from things and not facing my mistakes.

I feel so guilty, for dragging my teammates down, people who are at least trying to progress. But no matter how much I blame myself and all. Even though I know I need to put in more effort, in the end I will still lose to me own laziness.

Went to Grandma's grave (not really sure what is it called) at the church 2 days ago. Don't really know why but I just went. Prayed awhile and went off. I guess I just feel bad for not going for the mass prayer that day.

As I was thinking the other day, I noticed that I totally didn't put in effort in whatever I did in the past. As a councilor, as a student or maybe even as a human. Maybe what they said was true, I got pampered by my family too much that I took everything for granted.

I also noticed something strange, I like to observe people, things and such. But I don't really like to get involved in it. Or is that really true? Maybe I wish to be involve somehow.

3 years has passed since Secondary School, have I made progress in life? Have I made more friends? Or have I loss more? Well one thing is for certain, I can't stay the way I am now.

Helping out in open house later. Don't even know if I will have the mood the do anything, but since I am already volunteering, maybe I may find something worth doing it.

posted by josephchong @ 11:33 AM



Thursday, June 11, 2009


its holidays yet i dun have the feeling it is..

lagging behind in my work again, things are just getting piled up. At this rate it will turn out like last year again..ARRR i hate myself to the core.

posted by josephchong @ 10:26 AM



Saturday, May 30, 2009


Yesterday was YCSS Gala night. Was really pissed off by the school management man, long hair/dye hair cannot come in. Like wat sia, ur invite us to go, now u telling us becoz of our hair we cannot go in wif excuss like parents and other sch ppl are also invited and it will somehow affect the sch reputation. Come on man, we have already graduated from there, wats wif all the rules coming back at us again.

But somehow, wif the help of someone, i managed to get through and went to the new sch hall. It was a hot day. Saw Siang lin, Andy, Hong Yong, Chaqif, Nazrul, Zhong Rong, Ryan Yeo, Darren, and a few others. The Gala night started and after watching it all i could say is, The PA system sux, i not talking abt the crew, but the system itself. voice were muffled and can't really hear wat the MCs or the ELDDS were saying. The MCs were quite bad too but i cant blame them.

Well at least the performance were nice, Mr Kumar actually danced as the last item too. Was happy to see Miss Ker, Miss Chong and Teachers after such a long time too.

Well wat to say but, i guess i missed the times during my secondary sch, but i guess thats why there are my fun memories, wif the class, wif EXCO 06'. Mdm Teo actually motivated me again since last time during secondary sch.

Photos can be found on facebook, updated by Ryan(Thx alot!).

Lastly, Happy birthday Jingen and Ying Xiu. May all your wishes come true!

posted by josephchong @ 1:07 AM